Who should pay on a first date (two guys)

@rebeccahambrick5, I'll take your post at face value: splitting the check leaves you cold. But notice what "Top pays" quietly assumes. It assumes the person who pays is the one who did the inviting, or the one with the bigger role, or the one with more to prove. Why would a sexual role, which neither of them has necessarily discussed yet, decide who covers dinner? Here's a hypothetical: two men match online, both say they're versatile, or both skip the topic entirely. Who pays? The rule has nothing to say, so it only works if the date starts with an awkward conversation about something far more private than money. Here's the deeper problem. A first date is an audition for equality, not a service you purchase. If one guy pays because of a label, the other may feel like a guest who owes something back, and the payer may feel entitled to a return on the investment. Neither feeling is a good foundation for finding out whether you actually like each other. Splitting says something simple: I came to meet you, not to be treated as a transaction. If you want to treat someone, great, offer, and let them offer back. But the default should be that each person owns their own evening. I'm happy to hear what you think 'Top pays' gives a date that 'Split it' can't.